It all began as soon as I walked into the office. Finishing shoes was finishing everything I said all day long. She has now learned to speed up in anticipaton of me speeding up what I am saying, so that I can get it out before she does her finishing act! And all day she had lots of questions. Help her with this and what about that and what would I consider appropriate or excessive medical treatment for this client. What was I on yesterday? Ask Jeeves!!??! And there she was with every answer I was giving her, finishing the last 5-6 words of each sentence. I wanted a gun by the end of the day!
Next there was Jolly shoes. Jolly shoes in not on the sidebar over there in the cast of shoes, but he is new and has decided I am the answer man as well. He has been coming to me for months. Boy was I tired of him by the end of the day as well. Having to assist him with negotiations before he had them. He ran them all by me before he did them to be sure he has the right approach. And he just happens to be jolly. Really jolly. Like santa. He is round and has a belly that shakes like a bowl full of jelly. And he sings. He is a very musical pair of odd shoes. He has a 2nd job as an event planner and does all the music for various events like weddings, parties, office functions...whatever. So he is always singing and trying to dance in the office. Yesterday, it was, "We Are Family," by the Pointer Sisters. And he was doing the Cabbage
Patch Dance in my office. All the time as I watched, I was thinking, do the dumb blonde jokes only apply to women or do they apply to slightly overweight, blonde men doing the cabbage patch to We Are Family, as well? Focus people, focus. Redirection does not work well with him either.
Classic Court. Well What can I say about her. She was in rare form. She was not having any sardine wars on yesterday but the farting was in full force. I passed her by the copier and fax machines in the hallway where she was sending a fax and passed thru a cloud of most smelly gasses. After that, I just wanted her to catch the first boat next to England. I avoided her for the remainder of the day. Emails work wonderfully when you have to avoid at work.
Wannabe Shoes made the big wardrobe malfunction on yesterday. I had to take a double look. It was wannabe shoes in skank shoes clothing. She had on some sort of hoochie outfit not fit for work. Pants...OK. The shirt was some sort of shirt cut down to her navel it was so low and she must have had on a pushup bra because she was busting out all over and jiggling. We work in a very conservative office where people dress in suits and there she was, dressed for a club. I did not even get to see her shoes. I could not get past that shirt.
Snakeskin was all full of venom on yesterday and tried to make a strike at me. She crawled out of the dark hole she lives in around 1:30 with an email to a project manager about something she thought I had not done on a project that she is now handling. Well it all backfired. I had done what she said I had not done in the email. She failed to properly review the file before she sent the email. So I politely send an email to them both telling her where to look for the project details she overlooked. Bad kharma does follow some people. I did not hear any more hissing from her reptilian head for the rest of the day.
Skank is laying low for while. I have not really seen or heard from her. Not after the last bruhaha! Wingtips was wingtips. Wonderful as usual. He was the only bright spot shining in my office on yesterday. That was yesterday and it was not even a monday. Let's just hope today is better.
What I do is kick them in the pants with a diamond buckled shoe!
~~Aileen Mehle~~
