This is the story of Gerber baby peas. Seems like such an innocent thing, just a jar of baby peas. Little does anyone know that a jar of baby peas has scarred me for life. Even today I feel like everything is wrong in the world when I see a jar of baby peas. My advice: stay away from the peas! Nothing you ever do will prosper if you eat the gerber baby peas. They are the peas of the devil!
Well it was a saturday and mom was having her pokeno club meeting that night. She was cleaning up and getting the house ready for company. At the time when this green pea bruhaha began we were all in the kitchen, cleaning. My mom was cleaing out the pantry and my brother and I were with her in the kitchen.
Way in the deep, dark recesses of the panty she found 2 jars of baby food. One was a jar of gerber baby peas and the other a jar of gerber pudding, tapioca, I think. Well she was going to throw then out as they were the last of the baby food. My brother was just about to graduate to solid food.
I told my mother that I wanted the pudding. She said she would give the peas to my brother. All was set. Then suddenly the world shifts to the dark side of the pea and everything changes. It goes to "PEA" in a hell bag! I had to leave the kitchen for some reason that escapes me now. I was gone about 15 minutes. When I got back my mom was serving my pudding to my brother. I was very mad. I really wanted that pudding. I was totally upset that my mother gave my pudding to him. Doesn't calling something first count in a kids world?
Well, I decided to play it off, like it did not matter. Inside I was crushed, my spirit being whipped into something green and pea like! My mother said he began to cry and did not want the peas, but wanted the pudding so she gave it to him. I told her i would eat the peas. I ate that jar and boy was it yummy! (I learned early never to let them see you sweat peas)
well hours passed and it was time for the party. Mom's guest arrived around 7 pm and I was in my room watching the tele on my bed wrapped up in a pea green blanket. YEA, a PEA GREEN blanket.
I fell alseep watching tv and all was well. About 10 pm I woke up suddenly not feeling well. My stomach was churning and the party was still going on and I was trying to get up out of bed to make it to the bathroom when all of a sudden....projectile vomiting! Up came those peas all over my pea green blanket. You could not tell the blanket from the vomit. The peas and blanket blended perfectly.
All of a sudden my father comes in the room and sees that big, giant, reeking, pea green mess that is all over my bed and blanket. My mom comes in next. She just looks and decides that she is not even going to wash that. It was going in the trash can. My father takes the blanket to the trash can, they get me cleaned up doing a tag team and entertaining guests at the same time. I finally go back to bed.
Well after that night, I had been physically repulsed by the color pea green, I have not eaten peas in about 35 years and no child of mine has ever had peas or gerber green pea baby food. I cannot even wear clothes that are too close to the color pea green. For the longest time I wore no green clothes of any kind.
The gerber green pea phobia is stil with me today. I eat some peas..maybe twice a year. I still do not wear a lot of green clothes. Gerber baby peas? Why that is satans meal. After all, didn't Linda Blairs head spin around as she vomited green pea soup?
What I do is kick them in the pants with a diamond buckled shoe!
~~Aileen Mehle~~
