Full Disclosure: For the Love of Money

Back when I graduated college, I decided to move clear across the country to 1) find my own adventure and 2) be with the guy I was in a relationship with at the time. Sure, that in itself in retrospect was probably not the best of ideas, but I would have never gotten to where I am in life right now if I hadn't - so woo hoo for jumping in with both feet and blinders!

Guy I was in a relationship with at the time – let’s call him C for simplicity – lived in NM, so there I went, and we immediately got an apartment together and me a job doing menial marketing drudgery. Ah, the things we do for “love.”

Well it quickly became apparent that C didn’t really know what he wanted to do with his life and flitted from job to job with (apologetic) abandon. I wasn’t making much with my marketing gig at the time but it was consistent – so it wasn’t long before I was taking pretty much the full brunt of monthly rent, bills and out-of-pocket expenditures (plus I had to buy a new car because my old one died). We didn’t budget and didn’t really know how. Money was definitely flowing out faster than it was coming in.

I think it only took a year or two before I was in serious credit card debt – I think I blanked out a good portion of it, but I believe I topped out near $30,000. And you wonder why I'm even smiling in these pics ...

It was also around that point that I actually started excelling at my job and started having a life outside of C – and with a clearer perspective of things, that was when I decided to end the relationship.

No, money wasn't the only reason I ended things but we won't go into that - let's just say it was amicable. I don’t believe C was purposefully a moocher and didn’t sit back and just “enjoy” not doing anything. He tried to do right and always had a job –unfortunately just not the same one. And there were times where he was in training for a job and no income was coming in on his side.

 

But let’s face it, I totally enabled him too by not truly saying anything about the situation and not holding tight to the expenses split we initially agreed to – I am the first to admit that I was young, naïve and “in love” and this was my first time really out in the world by myself.

It’s been a long while now, I am a different place in my life with a different job and different person. It took me a few years but I finally worked myself out of debt by paying it back bit-by-bit, month-by-painful month.

(No worries about C, my dearies, towards the end of our relationship, he had gotten a steady gig working with the government, purchased himself a little starter home and even adopted a pup. Good for him and I bear him no ill will – though for a while I did daydream about sending him a bill for his share of my debt!)

Jacket: Anthropologie Coquille cobbled lanes (worn here before)

Top: Crewcuts ruffle bottom (similar here)

Skirt: Xhiliration by Target smocked ikat (worn here before - similar here)

Necklace: Old Navy ethnic statement (worn here before)

Shoes: Xhiliration by Target teanna (worn here before - similar here, here)

Full Disclosure: Eat Me

I have always been a gal who has loved food - I watch the Food Network all the time, Anthony Bourdain is one of my personal heroes, I love to try new recipes, new foods, new restaurants. I'll try any new food at least once. Second to fashion, I think about food all the time.

I am definitely a bored eater and a compulsive snacker. If you're eating, I want to eat too. If I am bored, I want to eat. If it is meal time, I want to eat, regardless of whether or not I am hungry. My body doesn't listen to the "feeling full" signals, it listens to the "am I satisfied" signals - and I am rarely satisfied when it comes to food.

 

I guess I've always had a hang-up about food but I hadn't started noticing it until a few years ago. I've always loved to eat and except for a period during junior high where I was quite a bit overweight, I've always been able to consume what I want and mostly "absorb" it. And through high school and college, I've dabbled with eating disorders but have never been a very "successful" at it - I loved food too much to deny myself.

As I am getting older, I am noticing that this eating what I want business is catching up with me. My diet is mostly unhealthy and it is getting out of control. I need to take charge of what I put in my own body. This is stuff I realized on Sunday night, after mentally recapping my day's indulgences ...

... which included:

• Breakfast: turkey & salami sandwich on sourdough baguette
• Snack: small movie popcorn & cherry frosty
• Lunch: turkey sandwich on sourdough baguette, handful of Jelly Bellies
• Snack: slice of apple pie, handful of green bean chips
• Dinner: NY strip steak with waffle fries, salad
• Dessert: slice of apple pie
• After-Dinner Dinner: leftover steak fried rice
• After-Dinner Dessert: apple Toaster Strudel

 

I think there's enough negativity about our body image in the world that I don't want to add to it, so please don't think I am being unecessarily vain and just whining about feeling fat because I know I'm not (though certain times of the month, I feel like the size of a zeppelin). But I was shocked at the amount and poor quality of food I consumed and I realized that I need to learn to eat healthier and be more conscious about what I am putting into my body.

However, I am also a realist and don't think I can turn myself into one of those "I eat local organic non-gluten vegan-only" chicks because I refuse to give up the dirty carbs which includes pizza, pasta, ooey chewey white bread, amongst other things. Plus I still think about food and trying food all the time, and live with a man who thinks of vegetables as a nasty four-letter word.

So what do I think will turn me around from decades of poor eating habits and a compulsion with food? I'm not really sure yet, I haven't done the research. But I am starting a food journal so I can keep track of what I am consuming, and I've bought a ton of gum so I can chew that when I am bored instead of stuffing Cheetos into my gullet.

For you healthy eaters out there, what started you gals on your healthier eating path? And for everyone, can you please offer me some advice or tips so I can stay on the "straight and narrow" of food, while not feeling like I am denying myself?

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Sweater: Anthropologie Moth jewelers choice (check stores - similar in red here or ish in green here)
Skirt: H&M silky floral (worn here before - similar here or here)
Shoes: Nine West temani patent wedges (worn here before - similar here or here)

Full Disclosure: Freckle Face

Blogging has been a bit of a freeing experience for me - being able to share "just" as much as I want to while still maintaining an air of anonymity. It has also helped me to come to terms with the way I look, and be able to embrace the positive while at the same time as least not absolutely hating myself over the negative.

So in this Full Disclosure post, I wanted to push one of my personal boundaries and be candid about one of my personal least favorite features - my freckles.

Now most of you gals make not think freckles are a big deal but I've aways been extremely self-conscious of mine through most of my life. As an asian, all of my family and my asian friends were all blessed with the "typical" asian complexion - pale, clear porcelain skin. While I had a face full of freckles. And some moles. And in my teens, throw in some acne to the mix. And everything else about myself that I was not satisfied with. I was and still am extremely aware of every dot, bump, speck on my face.

Why do I dislike them so much? They make me look like a kid, and looking adult-like in a corporate work environment and regular social environment is already hard enough when you're a short asian girl. And they really darken and have a tendency to multiply relentlessly in the summer, regardless of how much SPF I slather on. To me, I'm too old to have them and have too many for them to be considered cute.

I know if they really bother me as much as they do, I could do things to make them go away. I could see a dermatologist and get them lasered off. Or there are numerous fancy creams that promise to whiten and lighten any nasty brown bits off your face. But I don't do it.

No, there's not big life-changing, emotive "aha!" moment about how I've grown to be completely accepting of who I am and think that I am perfect in the way I was made - because let's be honest, as much as we try to be positive about everything about ourselves, who really is absolutely comfortable with themselves? And if there do exist self-assured Samantha Jones' in the world, I can do nothing but commend and be in awe of you. So why don't I do anything about my freckles instead of whine about them? Partly because I'm hesitant about doing anything to myself I don't need to - and partly because I think of my freckles as part of me, regardless of how I feel about them.

I didn't write this post in hopes of eliciting "aw, you're gorgeous, those freckles are perfect" comments - this isn't a different is beautiful post. I also hope I don't make those of you who also have freckles to feel self-conscious about them because there are plenty of people who make freckles look good. And I definitely don't want to start a list of self-deprecations from you lovely gals. This is just me, pushing a personal boundary - I guess this is just a long-winded "here are my freckles, ta da!" post. So - ta da.

And in a vain attempt to give a point to this post, let's talk about you. What are your favorite non-traditional features - on yourself, or just in general?

Full Disclosure: Closet Underbelly

I thought it'd be fun to start a new kind-of feature on here called Full Disclosure. I purposefully don't share a lot about my life outside of what I wear, but often-times I get questions on everything from what I like to do outside of work and blogging, to where I shop (uh, that one is probably pretty obvious), to my home, my secret habits, anything-everything.

It'd be a very short but difficult to read book if I spewed everything out and you'd get confused/lose interest within the span of minutes (insane in the membrane here), but I thought it'd be fun to share little tidbits now and again.

My first Full Disclosure post is pretty easy - my closet! (da da dum!)

Some of you lovelies have commented that my closet must either be a vast deep labyrinth to a virtual wonderland - well, I'm sorry to disappoint, but it is neither. It is quite ordinary, actually, and not what I have always envisioned, but it functions and is live-ably neat. Does that mean it never looks like tornado alley or I never "lose" anything? Nopers, but for now, it suits:

Closet 1
This is the main closet in the bedroom. I split this with the BF as he has about just as many clothes as I do in tee, polo and khaki pant form. The lighting in the closet is pretty heinous, but I can see, which I guess is the point. This is where I keep my pants, skirts, blouses, folded sweaters, jeans, jewelry, purses and stuffed things.

Dresser
Here lives my underthings, my workout (haha) clothes and my tees. My life is full of stripes. Don't yawn yet, there's more!

Closet 2
This is in the spare bedroom / home office. I didn't want to split my closet up and actually wanted to just take this whole closet because it spanned one entire wall, but the BF didn't want to kick me out of the main closet (nor did he want to give it up). So my wardrobe is split and I'm only using half of this closet - eh, walking that extra twenty feet each morning is just exercise, right?

My dresses, jackets and shoes live here. I don't really have a system for my shoes yet, partly because I don't want to give up my shoe boxes (yes, for moving, I like to repack my shoes into their boxes) and don't want a pile of empty boxes somewhere and a pile of shoes somewhere else. Dependent on the day, I think I don't have enough shoes or way to many shoes for my own good. Guess what day I usually think it is?

And that is that - my first full disclosure. I've never done the whole summer / winter wardrobe split thing, so what you see is what you get - though my closet has a fantastic ability to just absorb new clothes in, so I have no idea how things just keep fitting. I wish it were glammer, larger, more modern and organized like how I live my life in my head, but it is what it is for now.

What do you ladies think about your own closets? What would you change if you could? Also, if you have anything you want to see in a future Full Disclosure post, let me know, I may or may not oblige, haha!

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REMINDER: Send me your outfit pics for the next Respect the Outfits reader feature - this time we're going to show off you in your favorite feel-good outfits! More details HERE. Send your pics by Tuesday night to respecttheshoes(at)live.com.

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REMINDER-INDER: Don't forget about my Shopbop giveaway - enter HERE for your chance to win $100 gift card to Shopbop! Contest ends March 20!