How did I do?

Today I had my annual appraisal at work. I work for a very large company, like a 'household name' type company and its all about the summary review of the year. Everything hinges on it. So, year on year, I go through a whole mental process of trying to convince myself that I am doing my best, that I couldn't work any harder, as I balance work, my children, my husband, my house, my friends, my shoe obsession, my shopping habit...

In any working week I think its most important that I am home more than I am at work; so I work part time and keep it at a level where I top and tail the kid's day by always being there for pick-up and drop-off at school, homework, bedtime stories and so on. This all works fine, as the company I work for are super-flexible but they do expect me to do a good and serious job. There is no slacking off, so the net result is that its a plate-spinning act - this is the same story for pretty much all mothers; working ones or otherwise.


So today, after a hefty degree of build-up, was the day when I found out - did I pull it off? I realised that in motherhood like in so many other parts of life, there is no mechanism that gives you this level of feedback. You never really know - how did I do? Infact for me, the point when I notice I am not doing so well is when something goes very wrong and see the smashed plate I dropped along the way. Then I wonder - how did that happen (again)?!

I am pleased (read delighted, relieved, thankful) that I did OK at work - I got a good appraisal, but then at the school pick-up my son's teacher called me in to talk about his reading. Hmmm, so maybe I dropped that plate along the way, not doing quite enough homework with him? Mental note: must try harder... ;-)