(You have no idea how hard I would strut in this whole outfit. IT would be ridiculous. There would be smoke trailing my steps because I would be digging my heels in the ground so hard)
When I saw these pics from Sea of Shoes, I gasped. Like literally gasped. Then I got angry. VERY ANGRY. I would even say irate.
WHY ISN'T THIS WHOLE OUTFIT ON MY BODY?!?
So this is what I have to say to Jane from Sea of Shoes.
I know you are a teenager and a model and all of that stuff. I know you have the model body and that great red hair and a closet sea full of fabulous shoes. But why would you taunt me with this outfit? You knew it was mine when you put it on. You know that I am obsessed with looking like Diana Ross at the most inappopriate times. Not only did you wear this fabulous kimono but you had the nerve to pair it with those killer shoes and THAT delicious bag. Do you have something against me? I don't even know you. I teach kids your age. I love the kids. But this is war.
So either you send me that sequin kimono and shoes to Houston immediately or be ready for all this jelly. Yes, I am a teacher and it's ethically wrong for me to fight kids but not on the weekends. I will fight you Jane.
I WILL FIGHT YOU. AND I WILL WIN!
Just give up the goods and I will continue to love your shoe game and nobody gets hurt. We can even do lunch if you want. We can meet in the middle. We can even meet in Madisonville, Texas...halfway point between Dallas and Houston. Nobody gets hurt and you can live your life being the fabulous teen that you are.
Just to prove how much I would worship this whole outfit, here is a list of all the places I plan to wear it.
1. To work...yes I teach high school but whatever.
2. To church...jeans and all...except that I will be holding a black Japanese fan in my hand to fan off the holy haters.
3. To the supermarket to pick up some gum.
4. To the movies to see "Why Did I Get Married Too?"
5. To pick up my nieces from school early...I would make sure that I walked all the way into their classrooms too so the little kids can whisper "Is that your auntie? Can I touch her?"
6. To job interviews...I would just sit and let them stare at me first.
7. To Zumba/aerobics class...and I will be in the FRONT row...not the back per usual.
8. To the Jill Scott/Maxwell concert this summer.
9. To my neighbor's house to borrow some eggs.
10. To the Oprah show when she finally gets wind that I'm still trying to be on her BFF team. This is so an OPRAH outfit!
See Jane? I have plans for the whole ensemble. Don't deprive me. Think about it....or else:)
Toodles!
(Just kidding! Jane is actually a blog diva with the fiercest shoe game. I'm so jealous of her. I love you Jane...but send the kimono. Seriously. NO...Seriously)
