So we had a family lunch nevertheless, without my Mum but with my Dad and my husband's family. All well and good, until I heard myself utter some words to Boo about her table manners that were so laced with disappointment and put-down that the moment they left my lips, I regretted it. In my sideways view I noticed her face etch with shame and oh my goodness, if I could have taken back what I said in that instant I would have. She covered her face. I wanted to cover mine. On Mother's Day of all days.
I do sometimes hold too high standards for her, and I need to stop that. My heart aches now a day later...for even though in the scheme of things it was a minor thing, a mere comment; what it represents to me is the pressure that I don't want her to feel. I don't want to be one of those mothers who layer on subtle pressures day after day; ones that knit together to form a blanket of weight on her little shoulders.
So I am afraid, on this sunny Monday I am feeling kinda sad and pensive...water a little and it will grow; water too much and the plant wilts.
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